Friday, July 29, 2011

Fun Friday Facts #1: Wife-carrying, private bunkers, and well-hung ducks

In the interests of having a reason to blog more regularly, I'm starting a new column. I'm going to call it Fun Friday Facts, and I'm going to do it every Friday, until I get sick of it, forget, or run out of facts.

Facts are hard to come by these days, you know. -- Karppinen

Here goes:

1) In 1991, the Nevada State Legislature voted to make a slight change in the lettering of the state's name on its flag. According to senate hearing records, the matter had “always bothered [them].” If this is the kind of thing bothering our governments, it's no damn wonder we're running out of polar bears.

Seriously, you guys, it's hot as f&ck out here. -- Marieke Usendoorn-Kuijpers

2) The Argentine blue-bill duck has a 17-inch penis, the longest of any vertebrate in the world relative to body size. The duck itself is about 16 inches long, so its penis is bigger than it is. Try to work that into your next chat-up conversation. See what happens.

3) The average person produces 1.9 liters of intestinal gas each day. I must be farting for at least three people.

4) Each year since 1992, the town of Sonkajarvi, Finland has hosted the Wife Carrying World Championships. The sport of wife-carrying literally involves throwing your wife up on your back and running with her as fast as you can. They even host relay events where teams of dudes take turns sprinting with one dude's wife on their backs. Passing her off in a hurry must be difficult.

Here are some of the rules:
  • If you drop your wife, you must pick her back up and carry on running.
  • Your wife must weigh a minimum of 108 pounds (49 kilos). If she doesn't, she will be fitted with weights.
  • The wife you carry need not be your own. You can borrow your neighbor's wife, or use one that “you may have found her farther ahead,” whatever that means.

Say, neighbor, mind if I borrow your wife for a day? -- sunshinecity

They say it dates back to barbarian days when dudes used to raid other villages and carry off their women, so as not to marry an illegimate sister.

Go, tradition! -- WikedKentaur

5) I read in the news that private bunker sales are up. They start at about $100,000, and the price goes up based on whether you're hiding from fast zombies or slow zombies or smart zombies or what. Of course, if you have a spare couple of mil lying around, you can buy your own abandoned missile silo. A guy named Larry Hall is planning to turn one of these into luxury survival condos somewhere in Kansas (they won't tell us where, cause it's a SECRET). If you're on a budget, you could buy a share in the Vivos Underground Shelter Network for $25,000 to $50,000. That gets you food, clothes, water, fuel, and some brand new roommates if the world goes to shit. Hope you like each other.

If you go to the Vivos website, you'll see that they have a timer counting down the seconds until December 21, 2012. What have I told you guys about that?

You'd better make sure that's an inland bunker. -- Dave Pape 

2 comments:

  1. As I see it, the trick would be to get one of those private bunkers and then hot-foot it there, carry my -or somebody else's - wife. Sounds like the perfect subject for a whole damn season of Real Housewives of New Jersey.

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  2. "If you drop your wife, you must leave her for the zombies and carry on running." LOL

    Thanks for commenting, Jeff! :)

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