Friday, September 30, 2011

Fun Friday Facts #10: Boobies, Knockers, Ta-Tas, Hooters...You know, BREASTS!


I have a confession to make. Sometimes it's hard for me to come up with themes or, for that matter, unrelated lists of stuff to write about in these columns. So, last night, I asked some of my buddies what they'd like me to write about. Plenty of great ideas were offered, but my friend and fellow blogger Christina Majaski came up with one I couldn't resist: boobs.

“You can't go wrong with boobs,” she said.

“That will certainly generate a lot of traffic,” I replied, and so this week's edition of Fun Friday Facts was born.

Enjoy! ~ brbyug

1) In the United States alone, there are estimated to be about four million fake boobies. That's a lot of fake boobies. That means two million American women are susceptible to the dangerous health complications associated with breast implants, which, as I've discussed before, can include hardening ofthe implants to a rock-like consistency.

2) Not only that, but ladies who get breast implants seem to be as much as three times more likely to commit suicide. Researchers believe that's nothing to due with the toxic effects of the implants themselves. Instead, they suspect that many women who get breast implants may be suffering from underlying psychological issues, such as hating themselves.

These will not solve your problems, honey.

3) The first successful breast augmentation surgery was performed in 1895, by a surgeon called Vincenz Czerny. Czerny performed this procedure to correct the shape of his patient's breast after tumor removal. He used some of the patient's own body fat, a technique still used today.

Most early breast augmentations weren't so successful, however. Surgeons used all manner of horrifying things to augment patients' breasts, including paraffin wax injections, glass balls, sponges, wool, ground rubber, wads of tape, and ox cartilage.

Screw it, let's just cram something in there. ~ US Navy

Surgeons in the 1940s and 1950s attempted injecting the breasts with surgical fillers, usually silicone, which backfired disastrously. The 50,000 women who had this procedure latter need mastectomies.

Silicone gel implants of the type still used today came along in 1961. American surgeons Frank Gerow and Thomas Cronin invented them.

And there was much rejoicing. 

4) A lady's breasts tend to sag as she gets older. That's because the breasts continue to accumulate fatty tissue over time. Instead of making the breasts larger, as one might hope, they just contribute to the hard work done by gravity.

Sleeping on your stomach can also contribute to breast sagging, because it can gradually stretch the skin of the breast and change its shape. Apparently, you're supposed to sleep on your side, with a pillow under your boobs, to support them.

Smoking cigarettes will also cause your breasts to sag. That's because smoking cigarettes sucks the life right out of you.

Damn straight.

5) Various types of bras have been worn throughout history. The earliest bras date back to at least the 14 century BC, so they're not quite as old as flush toilets, but hey, that's still pretty old. Corsets and corset-like garments were popular in both the East and the West from about the 1500s to the second World War.

Herminie Cadolle, a Frenchwoman, invented the first modern brassiere in 1889. Commercial manufacture of bras began in the 1930s. Bras and elastic girdles gained popularity during WWII, when metal rationing prevented the wide-scale manufacture of traditional corsets. The girdle slowly fell out of favor during the later half of the 20th century.

Thank God.

6) As it so happens, men have nipples for a reason.

Who knew?

Under the right conditions, men can produce breastmilk. Famine, especially when combined with prolonged, strenuous physical activity, can stimulate the man's brain to produce prolactin, the hormone responsible for breastmilk production, usually after proper nutrition is restored. Certain drugs, including those given to cancer patients, or any drug that affects the pituitary gland, can also stimulate male lactation.

Some evidence suggests that fathers will produce these hormones by simply offering their babies a breast (if you wanna call it that). In 2002, a Sri Lankan widower began suckling his baby daughter when she refused to drink powdered formula. To his surprise, he began producing milk and was able to feed the girl.

Awwww...*sniff*



17 comments:

  1. Glass balls and ox cartilage. We've come a long way. I knew you'd write something amazing. Even boobies can't throw you off.

    BTW...you just gave everyone with moobs hope. They can actually use those things for something. Who effin knew.

    ReplyDelete
  2. In the United States, 18,000 MEN have breast reduction surgery every year.

    ReplyDelete
  3. hey baby are those ur bewbs??? HAWTTTTT xD <3<3 ;P 8=====D

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yeah baby, you know it ;D <3 <3 (.)(.)

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is okay. Big boobs have more "I will suffocate you" potential.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I've been told I have the nicest boobs in town :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Perfect topic since October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. As far as I'm concerned, you can write about bewbage and post pics (Paulie would agree) every day this month!

    ReplyDelete
  8. people say the same about me.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Mothers milk, In Italy, all girls seem to have an amazing bust, be they A's,B's or E's !
    Possibly because their mothers teach them the benefits of a perfect bra and how to dress.

    ReplyDelete
  10. @rachel It hadn't even crossed my mind that October was Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Every month has a cause (or two) these days.

    @Paulie Why don't you have a baby, and see if you can breastfeed it.

    @Anonymous Italian girls are the best dressed girls in the world, after all. Jealous.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Viva la boobies! We're wearing pink ribbons at Stonewall and trying to raise money to go to the Susan G. Komen Foundation - good stuff as always.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I have a friend on her fourth pregnancy that was just lamenting about her husband's lack of participation! I shared with her your final fact so she can let him know and see if he won't get on board! hehe

    ReplyDelete
  13. @21st Century Skeptic I'm already growing my mustache for Movember.

    @Angie I hear the babies don't like nipple hair, however.

    ReplyDelete