Today, I thought I'd blog about
hairless cats, or Sphynx cats as they're called, because they're
freakin' hideous. They look like something you might wanna poke with a stick, or something that might just f*cking eat you if you fail to answer its riddles three.
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| Look at them. Just look at them. ~ JLplusAL |
They start out resembling Dobby from Harry Potter...
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| Soon he'll be wanting paid for his work. ~ JLplusAL |
...and wind up looking like your
Granddad.
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| Hey kid, pull my finger! ~ JLplusAL |
According to Wikipedia (the most reliable source online), these wrinkly monstrosities are warm to the touch, and feel like Chamois leather. No word on whether you can
use them to wax your car.
The Sphynx breed originated in Canada,
a nation with the perfect climate for bald housepets. The first
Sphynx cat was born to a regular cat in 1966, and aptly named
“Prune.” Breeders, dizzy with the glorious
possibilities, bred Prune with its own mother, because that's not
disgusting at all.
They came up with a second hairless
kitten, which they then bred with Prune to create a race of inbred,
sickly affronts to nature. They all died, and with them, died mankind's
dreams of owning scary f*cking cats.
But wait! In 1975 and 1976, farm cats
in Minnesota, USA gave birth to two more bald kittens. They were
called Dermis and Epidermis, because bald cat breeders are like that. Having learned their lesson about the inbreeding, they crossed
these cats with Devon Rex cats, a similar breed that isn't hairless,
but still looks kinda funny due to its short, curly hair.
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| Or, as I like to call it, Cat-Fro. ~ freestyle nl |
Devon Rex crossings were eventually phased out, but Sphynx cats are still sometimes crossed with Russian
Peterbalds and Russian Donskys, two breeds which aren't entirely
hairless but have a thin, velvety layer of fur that barely covers
their modesty.
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| From left to right: Peterbald and Donsky. Not pictured: Affronts to nature. ~ Peterbald, Alex Rave |
Like other cats, the Sphynx cat's skin
coloration matches its fur coat coloration...
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| Really! ~ rootskontrolla |
...or would do if it had one.
Wikipedia notes that these cats “sleep
with their owners under the covers” and “huddle against other
animals” to keep warm. Well, no sh*t Sherlock.
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| I need a f*cking sweater because I don't have any f*cking fur, a**hole. ~ Quinton Moran |
Unlike other cats, Sphynx cats need to
be bathed once a week...
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| Put my ugly ass down and step away from the tub. ~ JLplusAL |
...and cannot be left outside. They're
vulnerable to sunburn, and can easily freeze to death.
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| Because I don't have any f*cking fur, b*tch! |
And in case you're wondering what bald cats eat...
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| Oh dear Lord in Heaven, when does it ever end??? ~ Winona Morris |
It's not often I laugh this hard. Well played Ms. McAtee.
ReplyDeleteGlad you liked it, Jacob. Thanks for commenting! :)
ReplyDeleteOh my, are these for real? Nature can be cruel sometimes.
ReplyDeleteeden
These have got to be chihuahuas or something. I love every kind of cat, and these are not cats.
ReplyDelete(happy late birthday, by the way. If I'd had your address I woulda mailed you a pie. Or something like that. You know, I probably would've. It wouldn't be pretty, but it would be hella thoughtful.)
@Eden Take it easy on nature, I don't think she's entirely to blame for this.
ReplyDelete@Paulie That pie would have been super moldy and gross by the time it arrived. That said, there's nothing I would've liked more for my birthday than a moldy pie from Paulie.
Never gonna look at cats the same now that I know what creepiness they're hiding underneath all of that fluffy fur. Aren't you glad they can't just decide on their own to shave it all of?
ReplyDeleteAwarding you the Liebster Award and you have to take it. http://solitarymama.com/2011/09/mein-liebster-award-and-how-to-show-a-blogger-love/
I have a feeling they wouldn't.
ReplyDeleteOooooh an award! Sweet! :D Thanks Christina!
So glad I visited today, my mood is lifted!
ReplyDeleteYou know what they say...laughter is the best medicine :)
ReplyDeleteHoly crap. I wasn't much of a cat fan before this, but this seals it.
ReplyDelete@Word Nerd I love cats, I just prefer them with fur. The more, the better. :P
ReplyDeleteI really did LMAO reading this, because I'm with you kiddo, those cats are just wrong!!!!! They look demonic and I don't care if they feel like chamois, there's no way I'd ever want to hold one of them, never mind pet it. Eeew!! I lump them with rodents, because to me, that's what they look like. I love that you write about such random s**t.
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed it! :) I wish I'd thought to say something about their creepy little toes.
ReplyDeleteI love cats, but naked kitties are just wrong! Excellent blog post, as usual.
ReplyDeleteWell, you can't say you weren't warned. ;)
DeleteI love cats but these are butt-ugly. Never gonna get one.
ReplyDeletelove the humor of this piece Marjorie! i laughed hard... while at the same time wondering why people insist on breeding animals like this... (appreciate all the information you provided... much I didn't know!) in this case, it appears people bred an animal in a very superficial manner only because of how people wanted the animal to look while disregarding the sun burning the poor cat's skin & her means to keep warm... This kind of thing reinforces my view that Nature is far smarter than human beings... I just feel bad for some of these poor hairless cats & hope at least some of the people are taking proper care of them... Thanks for sharing this with me. Very well written :-)
ReplyDeleteI feel like if you had one you'd have to take good care of it because they're really expensive! But the cat themselves probably don't miss the fur since they don't know any better.
DeleteAt the moment, I have 10 Canadian Sphynx cats at home. What can I say... They are the most annoying cats in the world: they just attack you to get petted, and if you sit down on a sofa - in a couple of seconds you will be literally covered with these little bald bastards.And they eat much more than usual cats, and their poop... it's just like having a chemical attack 3 times a day.
ReplyDeleteWell, I love them.