Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Should You Tell Him About Your Blog?



The idea for this post came up today on Solitary Mama's blog, where she writes about the dudes she dates getting all butt-hurt about her blog posts and whining about how she “obviously has a problem with them” because they “read about it on her blog” even though, you know, the posts in question had nothing to do with them and didn't mention them by name and presumably, didn't even describe their physical features or hobbies or behavior or anything. These are just some incredibly insecure men who are also, somehow, simultaneously self-absorbed enough to think that Christina's blog post must be about them, because after all how could it not be about them, because they're the most important thing in her life.

I'm extrapolating.

I'm not surprised at all, because underneath all that chest hair and bravado, men are total wimps. And of course, it takes an extraordinary level of egocentrism to be insecure, because of all the time you have to spend pondering every little thing someone else says or does and what it has to do with you.

So, anyway, her point was that she's considering not telling the men she dates that she writes a blog, in order, I guess, to drag out the process of discovering that she's dating an annoying jackass.

All the good ones are taken.

Of course, a blog isn't the sort of thing you can hide forever, unless you're dating my mother, who is the last person in America to not even have an email. I mean, I could be wrong, I don't know what Christina's dating style is, maybe she plans to keep Christina the Blogger and Writer under wraps forever while she pretends to be Christina the Zulu Princess or something. I'm not here to judge.

So, let's assume you, Female Blogger, have refrained from telling your new beau about your blog, out of the misguided belief that it's the blog screwing up your dating life, and not the jackass's jackass behavior screwing up your dating life. Let's go ahead and pretend your creative efforts and hard-won skill are not something to be proud of but, in fact, something to be ashamed of, like an incurable STD.

I used to have opinions, but now I have you.

He's going to see it on Facebook, anyway. Unless you just abandon your blog every time you start dating someone new, in which case, you are hereby evicted from the Blogosphere.

When he finds your blog on Facebook, it's going to, as Christina put it, look like you have a “blog secret.” I think you could get away with that, since Facebook friending typically occurs in the very early stages of a relationship.

The alternative is to simply not friend the guy on Facebook, which is something I happen to agree with, if only to avoid awkwardness in the form of:

  • Having the Relationship Status Talk, which is a thing now, thank you Facebook for giving us extra dating problems. It's only awkward if one of you doesn't want to do it, but that's kinda my point, cause it's been awhile since I've met someone who's worth that level of commitment.

Sure, I'll marry you, but not on Facebook.

  • Kissy-wissy sh*t all up on my Wall. Seriously, dude, no one wants to see that. There's an inbox for a reason.
  • Stalkerface creepiness all up on my Wall. I'm not talking about obsessive page-viewing or even liking things I posted two years ago or whatever. I just don't want some guy all up on my page getting all aggro and jealous and verbally abusive and stuff. That's never actually happened, I'm just paranoid it might. I've totally been attacked on other people's Walls, so it's only a matter of time before someone gets stupid enough to do it on mine.
  • Having the Why Did You Defriend Me Talk, which consists largely of, “You mean you have to ask?”

Of course, if you don't accept the new beau's friend request, then you have to explain why. Either that, or pretend you haven't been on Facebook yet and haven't seen it. This ruse will be harder and harder to keep up, until it eventually precludes any chance of actually accepting the friend request, ever, because then he'll see you were lying and think there is something wrong with you, because, you know, there is.

I totally approve of telling the Fresh Meat about my blog. By which I mean, I actually insist he read it. I don't get embarrassed or uncomfortable or “feel weird” when people read my blog, even obsessively, or when they comment on it, even angrily. Believe it or not, I like that sort of thing. It means I won.

I write this blog so that people can read it. If I went around not telling people about it, I wouldn't be doing it right.

I'm a writer, and that's a big part of my identity. I require a man to read, and more importantly, enjoy, my work before I'll even consider getting serious. I know other writers don't necessarily feel that way, but I do. And before you say it, yes, I've been informed that I will never find a man if I'm going to have that attitude.

So save your breath.

14 comments:

  1. So where do you stand on In-Laws?... do we feel the need to tell them

    How about a mommy dearest you havent spoken to in years, and youre not Facebook friends with?

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    1. In-Laws? IDK, I don't have any. Chances are they're too old to know what a blog is anyway.

      If you're not speaking to her, how can you tell her about anything?

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  2. Just to be clear. I am not hiding anything from you. I would totally change my relay status to IAR with Marjorie Mcatee without you throwing a hissy fit, just because I heart you that much. Totally.

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    1. But then we'd be like a couple of high school girls who are liked, "married" even though they're not, actually, um, married.

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  3. I just dozed off during the third screening of the latest Curious George episode so I have nothing clever or snarky to throw in the mix. My husband only knows about my blog because he found it in the history, presumably clearing out the "adult websites" so they don't pop up when my son uses the computer. For that reason I always stay relationship-neutral in my blog; easier to deny, deny, deny if it's not there all over the interwebz. Oh, and George and the Man in the Yellow Hat taught me how to track salamanders.

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    1. Oh, I would never blog about anyone I was actually *seeing*, at least, not in a mean way. If I blog about a dude it's some dude I went on one or two dates with several months ago and never saw again, or some creep I wouldn't dream of dating anyway. I think that's where people get lost. They're all, "Well, you're the one dating them so you have no right to complain," and I'm all, "I'm not."

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  4. McAtee, brilliant. If I was dating someone, I'd be pissed off if they didn't follow or read my blog. It would be a clear sign that they are not interested in me and who I am, just me as a trophy wife or arm candy or something. I wonder how many break-ups a year are caused by Facebook. Friend or Foe? Probably just speeding up the inevitable. Lot quicker than the old days where you'd find random numbers on his pager and have to do some P.I. work. Big Brother takes care of all of it now. Christina from this day forward shall be referred to as Zulu Princess, it does seem fitting.

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    1. Yeah, people who blame Facebook for breakups are stupid. It's not Facebook's fault, you asshole, it's YOU.

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  5. One thing that started me blogging over 2 years ago was a bad relationship that I was in. The guy was seriously mean and vile and no matter how much and how hard I tried to make it work, he was just cruel. I started blogging to heal. I love to write poetry. One day he was surfing the net and came across my blog. It does not mention his name but it does mention details or things I experienced in the relationship. He sent me this nasty email stating he was going to sue me. I've worked in law for 18 years so I knew that was impossible. However, I did show the blog to an attorney and asked him what he thought. He laughed. Sue me for what? The problem was he knew in his heart how badly he treated me. So he felt if anyone else read it and knew I had been in a relationship with him, it would out him for who he really is. If you hit a wounded dog it will holler. And did he holler. I'm in a relationship now with a great guy. He knows I have a blog and doesn't care. Great post.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That's funny, I also have a nasty ex who keeps threatening to sue me. If you pay close attention you'll see some of his crazy-ass comments on the blog once in a while.

      I once had a guy say to me, "I was going to ask you out but then I read your blog." Um. Glad you saved us both the trouble, prick.

      Delete
  6. yes, let it be out there up front, see what kind of paranoid jackleg you're dealing with sooner...

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  7. My partner does not read my blog. Or look at my tumblr. Or do anything at all like that. It is upsetting-it makes me feel like my work (which this is part of) bores him...and in fact, when we talk, after a very brief period, it is obvios that my work does bore him. I do not understand how he can support me as an artist ( which he does) and yet not be moved by my artwork or want to know what is happening in my little artistic world. It's a connundrum.

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    1. Are you *sure* he supports you as an artist? Cause it doesn't sound like it. I know he probably says he does, but actions speak louder than words, you know.

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