Monday, December 31, 2012

2012: My Year in Review

Well, another year is coming to an end. If you’d asked if I thought I’d still be writing this blog almost two years later, I would’ve said “HELL NO I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES.” While it’s true that I do have commitment issues, I guess they’re not as bad as I thought.

Last year I just made up a bunch of stuff, and did it badly, besides. I mean, I don’t know, I’m not gonna re-read last year’s “year in review” post because my initial feeling about it was that it was bad, and I don’t wanna risk going off on a failure-induced drinking binge. I know we’re all aware of major world events that have occurred over the past 12 months, so I’m not going to insult your intelligence by reminding you that stuff happened. No, this year I’m gonna get personal, and talk about What Happened to Me, which I’m sure you’ll all find fascinating.

Please, calm yourselves.

I Quit Smoking

As regular readers will have noticed, I quit smoking on 19 January 2011. I had been a smoker for an embarrassingly long time. Even though I’ve stopped, I’m still convinced that every cough, sneeze, sore throat and random chest pain means I’ve got lung cancer. I’ve also been informed that I will probably still get cancer, emphysema, COPD or some other nasty lung disease when I get old. Yay.

That doesn't mean you shouldn't quit, kids!

My Grandmother Died

RIP Grandma :'(

My Right Leg Shriveled Up, Then Grew Back

Okay, that’s not as bad as it sounds. When I say “shriveled up,” I really mean, “atrophied,” which occurred because of a pinched nerve in my back. I had to buy a standing desk and everything.  The leg muscle grew back, but I’m still having nerve pain and numbness in my legs and feet, and hip pain, and back pain, and walking is kind of hard sometimes, so if you see me with a cane, PLEASE DON’T ASK.

I seriously refrain from using one so I won't have to explain it to people.

I Bought a House

Sometimes I wish I’d bought an RV instead of a house, and by sometimes, I mean fucking daily. Don’t get me wrong, I like my house. I like having rooms and a bed that does not also convert into a kitchen table. Living in a stationary dwelling has some advantages. My stuff doesn’t fly out of my cupboards when I take a sharp turn. I don’t get drunk and forget where I left my place of residence. But it’s so goddamned boring, you know?

My cake: I want to eat it, too.

I Turned 30

That’s right, I’m a dried up old hag now, and my life is over. Please, feel free to make insulting remarks about my age and question my life choices. Here are some suggestions:
  • So, did you decide you want a baby yet?
  • Why aren’t you married?
  • You’re not getting any younger, you know.
  • You have to grow up sometime.
  • Don’t you think you’re a little old for __?
  • Oh, you’re 30 again?
You could also take a stab at guessing my age, or ask if the fully-grown adult in my company is my son or daughter.

I'm not so crippled I can't beat you with this.

I Got a New Cat (*SIGH*)

Yes, yes, my stars aligned and out came a cat. He bites. I’m bleeding as a write this.

My Facebook friends say he's cute, he's just photogenic.

8 comments:

  1. I want that cake

    you should have a cane with a cool animal head on it. or like a big old fuckin sapphire or something. pimp it O U T

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    1. PIMP CANE YESSSSSS YOU HAVE THE BEST IDEAS!

      Delete
  2. What a great list, Marjorie (except for your GM *sniff* ) You ROCK though, and thanks for sharing.

    Hugs, and best for 2013.

    You're a babe at 30!
    eden

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    Replies
    1. Thanks! Glad you liked it! HAPPY NEW YEAR! xxx

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  3. You also met me. Or that was last year and you should've included it in last year's New Years post.

    I'd say you had a pretty successful year (except for the part about your grams). I guess I'm the only one I know who spent another year doing nothing productive.

    You really kicked ass when you quit smoking and even if we still get some kind of smoking related illness, you're going to look better and be healthier than if you hadn't. You should be really proud of yourself because that shit is hard. I still want to smoke. Like right now.

    Btw, I'm 39 and single. I think I have you beat except I happen to think walking with a cane would be cool.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah quitting smoking was probs the biggest event of the decade. Woot woot go me!

      I'm totes gonna rock it with a pimp cane like Paulie suggested. Animal head with jewels for eyes. Maybe if I'm lucky I can find one with a knife in it.

      Delete
  4. Oh honey you don't know what old is. I am your oldest reader, hands down. You are funnier than hell. You are already old. All you have to do now is wait till your body deteriorates and you grow shriveled all over, not just your leg. One tip I must pass on is to save your eyes NOW. Eat tons of spinach and kale, several times weekly. The lutein (I never could spell that word and my computer doesn't know it yet) must be kept up or your eyes will grow dimmer and dimmer and then fuck, you can't see a thing. Need any other growing old tips? Just ask. I know them all. You are lucky I found you. Hurry before I drop dead on you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stop scaring me with all this stuff about how much it sucks to get old, you guys.

      Delete