Last year I just made up a bunch of stuff, and did it badly, besides. I mean, I don’t know, I’m not gonna re-read last year’s “year in review” post because my initial feeling about it was that it was bad, and I don’t wanna risk going off on a failure-induced drinking binge. I know we’re all aware of major world events that have occurred over the past 12 months, so I’m not going to insult your intelligence by reminding you that stuff happened. No, this year I’m gonna get personal, and talk about What Happened to Me, which I’m sure you’ll all find fascinating.
|Please, calm yourselves.|
I Quit Smoking
As regular readers will have noticed, I quit smoking on 19 January 2011. I had been a smoker for an embarrassingly long time. Even though I’ve stopped, I’m still convinced that every cough, sneeze, sore throat and random chest pain means I’ve got lung cancer. I’ve also been informed that I will probably still get cancer, emphysema, COPD or some other nasty lung disease when I get old. Yay.
|That doesn't mean you shouldn't quit, kids!|
My Grandmother Died
My Right Leg Shriveled Up, Then Grew Back
Okay, that’s not as bad as it sounds. When I say “shriveled up,” I really mean, “atrophied,” which occurred because of a pinched nerve in my back. I had to buy a standing desk and everything. The leg muscle grew back, but I’m still having nerve pain and numbness in my legs and feet, and hip pain, and back pain, and walking is kind of hard sometimes, so if you see me with a cane, PLEASE DON’T ASK.
I Bought a House
Sometimes I wish I’d bought an RV instead of a house, and by sometimes, I mean fucking daily. Don’t get me wrong, I like my house. I like having rooms and a bed that does not also convert into a kitchen table. Living in a stationary dwelling has some advantages. My stuff doesn’t fly out of my cupboards when I take a sharp turn. I don’t get drunk and forget where I left my place of residence. But it’s so goddamned boring, you know?
I Turned 30
That’s right, I’m a dried up old hag now, and my life is over. Please, feel free to make insulting remarks about my age and question my life choices. Here are some suggestions:
- So, did you decide you want a baby yet?
- Why aren’t you married?
- You’re not getting any younger, you know.
- You have to grow up sometime.
- Don’t you think you’re a little old for __?
- Oh, you’re 30 again?
You could also take a stab at guessing my age, or ask if the fully-grown adult in my company is my son or daughter.
I Got a New Cat (*SIGH*)
Yes, yes, my stars aligned and out came a cat. He bites. I’m bleeding as a write this.