Wednesday, April 17, 2013

O is for Old Men Hitting on Me

Hey, Old Dudes, I have a message for you: LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS. Seriously, your “dirty old man” sh&t is not cute. I know you don’t just start feeling attracted to older women just because you got older yourself. This does not mean you have the right to drool all over women half your age and then act offended if they don't strip all their clothes off that very moment. You may have the right to express interest in anyone you want, but you do not have the right to assume it will always be returned. There aren’t as many young women with “daddy issues” as you’d like to believe.

Yes, I know I’m THIRTY YEARS OLD NOW and I’m NO SPRING CHICKEN ANYMORE (Spring chicken? Who talks like that? OLD DUDES, THAT’S WHO.) It might shock you to know that I still get hit on by dudes in their twenties all the time. Hell, a couple of years ago, (before I was all old and dried up!) I actually went out with a 19-year-old. It was an accident. I didn’t realize he was a teenager and he didn’t realize I was ALMOST DEAD at the RIPE OLD AGE OF TWENTY-EIGHT, GOD FORBID, but he was sexually interested, is my point. The date actually ended on a super-awkward note when we both realized that we’d been born in different decades, because it took him like three hours of listening to me talk about my whole adult life before it occurred to him that maybe I was a lot older than him, because that’s how not old as hell I look, Old Dudes.

Of course, that was two years ago so I probably look like an alligator hatbox by now, right? Wrong. If you need further evidence that I'm still capable of attracting men my own age, on my 30th birthday I was out at the bar and some random chick asked me what grade I was in. So you can stop it with the “you’re not so young yourself, kiddo” sh&t. In fact, maybe if you find yourself calling the person you’re trying to sleep with “kiddo,” you should rethink whether or not that’s an age-appropriate pairing.

It's half your age plus seven, pervert.

21 comments:

  1. People tell me I look like I'm 15 all the time...could be a good thing when I'm 60 though! :)

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    1. Isn't it funny how you go from being flattered when people think you look older, to being flattered when people think you look younger? lol

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  2. Two new year's eves ago I was at a bar getting hit on by a guy who was WAY TOO DAMN OLD! He kept following me around trying to talk to me - ick. I also had a little thing brewing (but it never went anywhere in the end) with a 20 year-old that same year - go figure! O ya, I was 28 too.

    Also, I kind of feel like you are above this, but I did it anyway. I nominated you for The Leibster Blog Award. If you're interested at all in accepting, stop by and visit me again to find out all about it!

    http://brandysbustlings.blogspot.ca/2013/04/i-got-liebster-blog-award.html

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    1. Well, it's probably just as well because the difference between 20 and 28 can be pretty mind-bogglingly huge. A Leibster Award! You are the third person this month who has nominated me for a Leibster Award! We need some new awards!

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  3. I was lead to believe there would be dirty filthy language, where the hell is it?
    #atozchallenge
    maggie winter

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    1. Does sh&t count cause I spell it shit or if really mad shite, it's an english thing. People are complaining at sh&t and hell, WTF? I was expecting much, much worst.

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    2. Yep, that's what all the fuss is over.

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  4. Er. LOL.
    and EW. Arent men gross that way?
    Not that I don't like me a nice hunk o' tender young manflesh now and again, myself...

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    1. Yeah, it's not so much the wanting to as the yucky immature reactions to rejection. I guess if they were mature they wouldn't need to chase women half their ages though.

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  5. Wow, insulting AND condescending. He sounds like a real prince.

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  6. Eww, this has happened to me. Like you, I look young for my twilight years of 32. Young enough, that I'm always the one being carded when i go out with friends. I don't know what it is with old men, but their leering at me is really gross.

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    1. It must be successful at least some of the time or else they wouldn't do it, right? One would hope. :/

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  7. Must be my ex husband. His current wife is the age of our firstborn, which doesn't stop him from trying to pick up other girls.

    PolishSpring

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    1. Oh, and I'm exactly a decade younger than my ex ..so figure out the math.
      ;-D
      ~PolishSpring

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    2. Ew, it's so gross when people date people who are the same age as their children. Must be weird for your kids, too.

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  8. what a doosh

    wait what's "old" to you? I turn 43 in september. I have no intention on hitting on you because I'm got it good at home but in case she gets sick of me I need to know if I'm a potential blog post.

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    1. No, I don't think that's too old. PLEASE DON'T HIT ON ME NOW THAT I'VE SAID THAT. Personally, I probably wouldn't date more than 15 years older than myself. The "old dudes" I'm referring to, though, are 55 and up. Like, they're trying to take me out to the early bird special so they can claim their senior citizen discount on the date.

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    2. no worries...no hitting on anything from me. good luck with the older older dudes

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    3. Thanks, they get so pissy when you don't strip your clothes off right away.

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