Thursday, April 18, 2013

P is for Paranoia


For me, the thing that sets America apart from other countries – at least the ones that I’ve visited and lived in – is the paranoia. Everything that's ever happened has been faked, and everyone thinks someone’s out to get them. 

Except, in most cases, no one is out to get anyone in particular. I figured this out when I was 15 years old and realized that I’m nowhere near important enough to get and neither is anyone I know. The government? It couldn’t give less of a damn, and it certainly doesn’t have the manpower or resources to watch everyone all the time. Hell, they’re having trouble keeping the roads paved. Sure, you might wind up as collateral damage, but that’s just your bad luck. It’s because you’ve gotten in the way of someone else’s efforts to make a profit, and not because a bunch of dudes sat down in a top-secret meeting and said, “Alright, let’s think of some ways to f&ck with [insert your name here.]”

If you start ranting about how some group or other is trying to destroy you or your way of life, or how the worst possible things are all going to happen in ascending order of badness, I’m going to find a way out of that conversation and out of all future conversations if I can help it. Because let’s be honest, excluding cases where genuine mental illness is involved, your paranoia is evidence of your massive ego. If you didn’t think you were somebody really special, you wouldn’t be worried about anyone coming to get you. Likewise, if you want to talk to me about a conspiracy theory, it'd better be the Lincoln assassination. 

Not to mention, it’s just plain exhausting to have to listen to that crap all the time. If you’re not rambling on about the bad things you’re certain are going to happen to you, you’re filling me in on how everything in my life is about to go horribly, irreparably wrong. I have a hard enough time maintaining a positive state of mind without that kind of drain on my energies. Don’t be the guy who lists all the things that could go wrong. Nobody likes that guy.

That guy does not get invited to the good parties.

20 comments:

  1. I like this one. Listening to paranoia is emotionally exhausting, and your photo is great! Lol!

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    1. Yeah that's a photo of what I need after listening to someone's paranoid rant! lol

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  2. Conspiracy theories are often hilarious...how someone could get a+purple rabid monkeys=c? I'm paranoia, but I prefer to save my tinfoil hat for aliens, Bigfoot and Scientologist

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    1. Actually, I'm pretty sure we should be worried about Scientologists. They're scary.

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  3. The only people who have damn good reason to be paranoid are those who rat on Mafia thugs. Rats end up in vats!!!! Just watch Mob Wives.

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    1. Well, yeah. Also, leaders of countries.

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  4. What about the Kennedy Assassination, that's another good one. I love conspiracies, especially the Illuminati stuff going on now. It's an entertaining read. Good fiction. It is mind boggling that people actually believe it though.

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    1. Yeah, they're fine as long as you don't start believing in them.

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  5. Paranoia is totally draining. But the drama around it can be interesting.

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    1. I suppose it can, if you're able to maintain a state of Zen detachment from it all.

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  6. Preach! So happy I found your blog. In college, stuck a note to my fridge (for similar reasons)that said "The world is not out to get you...People are more worried about themselves than they will ever be of you."
    Great post, as always.

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    1. People are like spiders -- despite how horrifying they appear, they really are more afraid of you than you are of them.

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  7. Great article about paranormia. I live in England and your descriptions of how some people think in the USA rigns true. Well done and keep writing.
    Francene.
    A - Z Challenge
    http://francene-wordstitcher.blogspot.co.uk/

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    1. Thanks, Francene! Glad it's not just me!

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  8. So funny, thanks, some of the crazy conspiracy theories can be hilarious. Though a big theory for years, turned out to be true last year in the UK (Jimmy Savile), the crazies were all, "I told you so, now we do you believe the Queen is a alien Lizard", er no! lol

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    1. Idk, she looks kind of scaly if you ask me. LOL

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  9. While I agree in general, the Scientology in our "civilised" parts of the world creeps me the f&ck out.
    Also, Taliban is out to get women in Afghanistan & Pakistan, Pirates do prowl around Somalia, murderous North Korean government is nuttier than a squirrel poop, and the Russian Putin is just a wrong person to cross.
    ;-D
    ~PolishSpring

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  10. If you listen to political talk shows, esp ones that lean right, you'd think the Boston Bombers were masterminds worthy of a James Bond villains' jealousy. If you pay attention to the evidence and their backgrounds and you know, facts, then you realize they were hateful morons from a dysfunctional family who were more al coo coo than al quada.

    The moon landing was our science community kicking ass, not faked in a studio, and Kennedy was killed by Oswald and maybe a guy or two helping him, maybe.

    sometimes the easy answer is the easy answer. and I have an anxiety disorder and depression and lean toward personal paranoia when the pills aren't working.

    great post. I like your interview with peter

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    1. Occam's Razor, right? The simplest solution is usually the correct one.

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