Monday, April 22, 2013

S is for Slut-Shaming


Slut-shaming has been getting a lot of press lately; as well it should, because it’s some f&cking bullsh&t. Here we are in the 21st century, and everywhere you turn someone who should know better is giving some woman or girl, or sometimes even just women and girls generally, a hard time for having sex, liking sex, looking like they might have sex, expressing sexuality, or being someone that someone else wants to have sex with.

You might judge someone for having dated “too many” people – I think the general consensus now is that you’re allowed three relationships over the course of your entire life, and after that, your genitals wither up and fall off. If you’re a woman, you might judge other women for going out once in a while instead of staying home with their husbands every night for the rest of their lives. What do you mean some women don’t have husbands? Hush, liar.

So, let’s clear up the confusion right here and now:

Women are allowed to have sex. We are allowed to use birth control. Yes, even teenaged women are allowed to use birth control. It has medical uses, you know. It’s not all about the filthy dirty nasty horrible sex, although if it were, that would be none of your business.

Women are allowed to have sex with more than one person in their entire lives. We’re allowed to have a lot of boyfriends, too, if we want. Girlfriends, even. If you are dating a woman and you find out that she has had sex with “too many people” and you dump her for that, the problem is that you are an asshole, not that you were dating a slut. No one is a bad person because she slept with “too many people.” A woman is not her vagina. Nor does a woman’s vagina have any more bearing on her character than her foot does, unless she is using it to kick your ass. The foot, that is, not the vagina. I’d like to see a woman kick someone’s ass with her vagina. It’d probably be that Russian lady who lifts something like 30 pounds using only her vagina. Makes me wonder how much I can lift with my vagina, you know?

And on that note, I'll bid you good day.

22 comments:

  1. Word. I've been guilty of this in the past, but I realize now I was being a judgmental bully, and calling the women I did sluts had absolutely nothing to do with why I disliked them in the first place. What I was doing was tantamount to bullying, and that shit is not cool. I changed that part of myself because it was ugly, made me feel bad, made me less a human and more a jerk.

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    1. Two thumbs up! We all grow as people throughout our lives, some more than others. I'm glad you've been able to reach this place. :)

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  2. I know you're telling the truth and I agree with you, however we live in a society where there are double standards (SEX, WOMEN, MINORITIES) and there will probably always be a double standard; which is too bad. Jae Mac, I'm Just Sayin'...(Damn!)

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  3. we live in a society that needs it's ass kicked by a vagina! ;)

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  4. Yeah, because sadly, that double standard still exists. Women are sluts for sleeping with a lot of people but men are heroes. I really hate that.

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    1. Just because there is double standard does not mean we have to adhere to it.

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    2. I certainly don't. I think the world has placed an unneeded stigma that sex is dirty. It's one of the greatest things in the world.

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  5. Well said! Slut shaming leads right to victim blaming, which is perhaps the most reprehensible thing that you can do to a person.

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  6. I don't judge women for how many sexual partners they've had, but sometimes the reasons they did it concerns me. For example, a friend of mine found out his niece had been at a party where, after the parents had gone to bed, the girls let two boys in and proceeded to all give them blowjobs. Not only did they do it routinely, as if it had no significance, but it was done quite publicly in front of everyone present. The girls were in their early teens. There's something wrong where girls develop that kind of callous and uncaring attitude to sex at that age. I think there are even self-respect and self-esteem issues. However, 'slut' is not a word I would use.

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    1. I heard about stuff like that happening when I was in school, but I always thought people just made it up. Do you think it really happens? I'm not sure it really happens.

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    2. We have this HUGE societal hang-up with sex that puts our teenagers in a position to go completely off the deep end just because they've been told it's "bad." Unfortunately, I don't believe most teenagers are emotionally mature enough to deal with affection or rejection appropriately... Hence, freaky orgy parties where a few guys get to abuse the cluelessness of any number of girls seeking social approval. Any situation where people are turned into objects for sexual gratification is debasing and, imo, abusive.

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    3. Maybe I wasn't popular enough to be invited to these parties? Was anyone ever at one of these parties? Hmmm. I agree though. These may not be consensual activities.

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  7. On a serious note, we Women .. We have so much power in the sheer number of us.

    If we have one day decided to not accept the current situation, we could change thw world for a better place.

    We would collectively refuse to "date" men involved with other women, we would shun child-support avoiders, wife-beaters, asshats in general..
    We would vote against politicians who infringe on our rights, refuse financial support to any religious organisations treating us as less than our manfolk
    We would close down child labor factories and any other workplace paying women less for the same labor ONLY because we have a vagina.
    We would rise up against circumcision, both for our male and female children
    We would close down inhumane animal treatment practices.

    World would be better. F&cking dreamer that I am..
    ~PolishSpring

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  8. The poster “Anonymous” who begins her comment with “On a serious note…” makes the best point of all: women, as a group, have much more power than they seem to realize. This makes the present situation particularly sad because it is a situation that is, to a large extent, condoned by most women, either actively or passively.

    Money talks. Votes have voice.

    Vote any misogynistic bastard out of office, even if that means that your vote is at odds with your husband or boyfriend. Your vote is your own. You don’t have to share it with anyone.

    Stop giving your money—or your time, or your work—to any organization that is not 100% pro-woman. The “Susan G. Komen for the Cure” people got that message real fast. How much they’re going to change remains to be seen, but they sat up and noticed when they started losing money.

    Don’t work for someone who pays you less money only because your a woman. I realize that this last one can be difficult. People have to eat. People have to pay bills. People have to feed their kids. But if women got organized, if every woman in America got together and took one day off from work, just didn’t show up, believe me it would be noticed. Yes, if you are just one woman in an office full of 200 and you don’t show up for a day, you might lose your job. But if all 200 don’t show up, that would be different. That would get somebody’s attention, and getting someone’s attention is the first step toward getting someone to change.

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  9. Repeat after me: A woman is not her vagina. Genius.

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  10. why is that when woman is raped the first thing lawyers and other women ask is "what's her sexual history?". Why does that matter? Is Jenna Jameson not capable of being sexually assaulted because she blows dudes on film?

    You would think the sexual double standard would've have died out in 1960s but it's gotten worse and it's insane.

    good post

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