Thursday, April 25, 2013

V is for Victim-Blaming


Another reader recently said that victim-blaming is “the most reprehensible thing that you can do to a person,” and I’m inclined to agree. Well duh, because I’m writing this post. If I catch you victim-blaming someone, I will kick your ass so hard you’ll be biting my toenails. I will also deliver a scathing but informative lecture about why you shouldn’t victim-blame while I am kicking your ass. It will be a painful teaching moment.

You see, the thing is, when someone rapes somebody, or abuses them, or whatever, there’s only one person you can blame for that, and it’s the person doing the raping or abusing. When somebody gets robbed, you don’t ask them what they were doing keeping a flatscreen TV in the house. If a woman’s husband beats her up, you don’t ask her what she did to provoke him. This isn’t the Middle Ages. If it were, she could probably get away with murdering the twat waffle.

When you blame the victim, it’s as though you’re putting that person through the experience all over again. This may surprise you, but plenty of abusers actually blame their victims for the abuse even as they’re inflicting it. What else are they gonna do, say “Hold still while I give you this beating that you in no way deserve, you likeable, talented, intelligent, beautiful woman?” Of course not. If they fail to make their victims think they’re worthy of abuse, then said victims aren’t gonna stick around and put up with it, are they? Contrary to what some right-wing politicians seem to think, no one likes to be abused.

If you like it, it's not abuse.

It’s hard enough for survivors of trauma to move on with their lives without everyone acting like it was somehow their fault, like they brought it on themselves through their actions or deserved it by putting themselves in that situation, or that they’re just some kind of defective person who attracts only demented psychopaths as if by pheromones. At least one person has told me that victims of abuse – especially victims of childhood abuse – are being punished for the misdeeds of previous incarnations, and so clearly deserve every second of the misery and pain they experience at the hands of their abusers, even if they seem innocent to us lowly mortals. So yeah, I’ve heard it all.

Where'd I put that brick?

20 comments:

  1. I've just reached your A to Zs, being a randomly clicking sort of person, and have been reading this and past posts nodding like crazy. Great posts! Love the brick.

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  2. Wow, that whole previous incarnation thing is such bullshit. That's like saying the victims of a natural disaster deserved it and were sinful. Wait, I have heard that before. *shakes head* People can be so dumb sometimes.

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  3. Replies
    1. I DIDN'T SEE THE PENIS CANDLE UNTIL I'D ALREADY POSTED! GET OFF MY CASE!

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    2. You just made me go back and look for the penis candle. Found it!

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    3. "See if you can find the penis candle" should be my new tagline.

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  4. Asshattery is what it is.
    How about the cases where burglar breaks into the house, breaks a limb while climbing through a window and SUCCESSFULLY sues house owner for damage? Now that's why the rest of the world finds 'murica amusing.
    We're special breed.
    *facepalm*

    ~PolishSpring

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    1. That was thirty years ago, give it a rest! lol

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  5. Well said! There's only one thing that you can blame abuse on. Abusers!

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  6. Excellent post. And "I will kick your ass so hard you’ll be biting my toenails" is my new favorite expression.

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    1. Thanks, it took me several minutes of deep thought to come up with that one.

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  7. When I studied domestic violence in college I believe (could be wrong) the statistic was that 90% of abusers claimed the victim was mentally ill and they were forced to abuse the victim to control him or her, (or that the victim was mentally ill and lying.) I have heard some of the most ridiculous, outrageous victim-blaming excuses, but I expect that--perps know they have done something wrong so of course they're going to try and blame it on someone else. What shocks me every time is when other people believe the perp, when they support the perpetrator and believe the victim was at fault.

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    1. Ugh, I know, I can't tell you how many times one of my asshat ex's asshat friends would come around to my place to tell me how ridiculous I was being and how if I would just realize how good I had it and stop being such a bitch to him everything would be fine. Whatevs.

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  8. Excellant post! I can't believe I didn't find your blog until the way end of the challenge. <3

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  9. Another excellent post, can't believe you're close to the end of the alphabet already.

    Agree victim blaming is for cowards who refuse to be responsible for their own actions. Plain and simple.

    "... misdeeds of previous incarnations ..." My god, that is so unbelievably idiotic. That statement must have come from the ignorant abuser.
    eden

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    1. It was this hippie I used to date. He didn't say it that way, he told me it was karma. I told him he had a faulty understanding of Buddhism. He didn't like that very much.

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