Monday, May 13, 2013

There Are Some Things I Think You Should Know


Ok, first things first – Brillo pads freak me right the fuck out. I know that sounds weird, but they’re gross. They have that weird blue soap in them that makes your dishwater look all murky. They leave this weird metallic smell on your fingers. And if you put them in the soap dish, they rust.

GAH!

And that’s just the worst. Bear with me here. Some people are freaked out by caterpillars, others are freaked out by Brillo pads. It takes all kinds.

This wouldn’t be an issue, because I don’t buy Brillo pads, because they freak me out. But the previous owners of the house left half a box of them under the sink. And I, in one of my frequent moments of poor judgment, decided to use one to clean something. All the weirdness followed. Then I sort of shuddered with disgust while flinging the Brillo pad into the soap dish, where it’s probably planning my downfall even now. I can’t bring myself to throw away the rest of the box, so comment below for your chance to win – let me count – three Brillo pads. I’ll hold a drawing. It’ll be kickass.

Okay, so they're SOS pads. Whatevs, it'll still be kickass.

Another thing I think you should know is that I brake for toads. I like toads. The other night I was driving home from somewhere in the rain, cause it’s been raining here for like a week, and I spotted a toad hopping onto the edge of the muddy gravel road. That’s not uncommon, because the rain really brings them out. So, I brought my car to a stop and waited for the toad to cross the road. It took awhile, because it was a toad.

They're not fast.

A further thing, and maybe some of you already know this about me, is that I have no attention span when it comes to watching your online videos. I don’t care how awesome your video is, if it is longer than a minute, minute and a half, tops, I’m not watching it unless I’m procrastinating or I really, really like you or it has baby bears. I’m a busy woman. I’ve got toads to wait for. I can’t be watching your three-minute-long videos.

Also, last but not least, I need a hairdresser. I haven’t had my hair cut in over a year, and it would probably look nicer if I had it cut, but I don’t have a hair dresser here. I had a great hairdresser in France, but I am obviously not flying back to France just for a haircut, even though it’s tempting. If anyone in my local area knows of a hairdresser WHO KNOWS HOW TO CUT CURLY HAIR, drop me a line. I’m putting that last part in ALL CAPS because it is important. A majority of the hairdressers I’ve been to (which, admittedly, isn't very many) have left me looking like I got my hair caught in a garbage disposal, because they insist on straightening my hair before they cut it, and then it only looks good if I straighten my hair again every day. I am not spending 45 minutes a day straightening my hair. I’ve got toads to wait for. 

Slow fuckin' toads.

27 comments:

  1. Everything you say about the brillo pads is true....except it kicks ass when it comes to cleaning out a pot or pan. Ergo, that's why it's great to use them. We, too, found a box of unused brillo pads when we moved into our condo that we are renting. I hadn't seen a brillo pad since I had lived at home a long, long time ago! The trick is, use the pad once and then throw it right in the garbage, even if it has some of that strange blue soap left on it. You won't regret it!

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    1. It seems so wasteful, but I guess you're probably right. There really is no point in trying to use one twice, is there?

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  2. Now that was a funny post. I'm with you on those video clips, although I've been guilty of it myself. What's with the long clips from movies people will put up? If I'm going to sit through some clip, why don't I just watch the movie? Or an hour lecture? I'm going to sit and watch that on my computer?

    And those cleaning pads seem so out of the past. I did buy some last year though to clean up some glass cookware and they worked excellently. Once they been used though, they do get kind of disgusting to keep around.

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    1. Thanks, glad you enjoyed it. :) I guess someone must be watching these videos or they wouldn't make them.

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  3. Do they not even teach hairdressers that curly hair exists? My husband has beautiful curly hair, but each time he comes home from the hair dresser it looks like they've taken a weed-wacker to his head (which is only marginally better than the hair cut I gave him when I was drunk)

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    1. LOL I used to have a bf who would insist I cut his hair, and I always did a terrible job because I don't know how to cut hair. He had straight hair but still, I'm really bad at cutting hair. But I guess he was of the opinion that if you can hold scissors, you can cut hair. Also he didn't worry much about his appearance.

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  4. In England Brillo pads have pink soap and in Brazil they appear to have no soap or that little that you have no way of telling the colour. I thought I was a fan but on reflection I haven't use one in 6 years so I hope they have a more loyal customer base than me or they are well and truly knackered as a company. As for waiting for toads, a nobel past time, the toads of the world salute you.

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    1. I know, who is buying Brillo pads? From the other comments, I've deduced that everyone buys a box, uses one pad, and then never uses them again. How are they staying in business?

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  5. I hate Brillo pads so. Effing. Hard. But I love clean pots and pans. It's like a constant struggle with my subconscious on what to do about it.

    There's nothing worse than having to clean that Brillo slime off of your hands once your pot is sparkly. I bet all Brillo pads are coated in baby souls.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

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    1. Brillo pads -- now with the cleansing power of the souls of dead children! You could just use regular steel wool. It doesn't rust as quickly and it doesn't contain its own soap.

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  6. In Texas I had a female toad (they are huge!) that lived in my garden shoe in the daytime for four years. At night, she would climb out and sit in a bowl of water I set by the shoe, waiting for bugs to fly by the porch light. I called her Mrs. Toady and documented her life on my animal blog. She left a string of eggs in my pond every year. We had a running spring on the property so we also had plenty of frogs, but Mrs. Toady was my favorite.

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    1. That's great. I had a toad that lived in my yard but I accidentally killed it with the lawn mower. Ooops. :(

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  7. I brake for toads, too! Sometimes I even get out of the car and assist them across the street. (I used to kiss them, but I gave up on finding my Prince)

    -The Insomniacs Dream

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    1. You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find the Prince...

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  8. Um, you can keep your rusty S.O.S pads! I never watch videos either...well, rarely, although I did just post one. I didn't watch all of it either, but maybe someone will. Going now...

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    1. Maybe that's the great secret of the Internet -- no one ever watches the videos all the way to the end.

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  9. Once I had to use brillo pads to clean the BOTTOM of a bunch of pans because my first step-mom was a psychopath and a tiny piece of medal got jammed into my finger and became infected. I almost lost a finger due to those evil bastards and my step-monster. Ok, it wasn't that bad but I still have a serious aversion to medal blue soapy things. The end. No it's not...I love frogs and toads - I really have no idea how to tell them apart. OH and thanks for the link!! Now it's the end.

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    1. Frogs have smooth, moist skin and live in the water. Toads have dry, bumpy skin and are usually found on land. Some species even hibernate, I think.

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    2. Thank you! Now, I just have to think 'horny toad' to remember which is which. Also, METAL not medal. Twice.

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    3. I didn't even notice. It's a good thing I'm not a proofreader.

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  10. I forgot. I am entering into the contest. I like Brillo Pads. Like, a lot. A lot a lot. I enjoy the soap and the scratchie. Yessss I am a weird one. (I kiss frogs FFS)

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    1. Okay I will deffo make sure to enter you into the Brillo pad contest.

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  11. Am I too late for the Brillo Pad contest??? Tell me I'm not, because I like Brillo Pads!!

    Best way to find a good hairdresser is to ask anyone you see with curly hair and an awesome haircut, who does their hair. Don't bother asking at a salon if they have anyone really good with curly hair, because no salon is going to say "No, sorry...none of our stylists have a clue how to work with curly hair" which is often the truth. Most stylists that are curly hair experts have curly hair of their own they've spent a lifetime trying to tame into submission, so they tend to understand better exactly how curly hair behaves. Good luck, hope you find someone awesome!

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    1. No you are not too late for the Brillo pad contest!! I'll make sure you get entered!

      Thanks for the tip RE: hairdressers, btw.

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  12. Try "the Dominicans" for curly hair - all my curly-long-haired friends go to the various "the Dominicans", so I'd vote for that. Finding "the Dominicans"?
    Oh, that I don't know how to do ..
    :-)

    PolishSpring

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    1. I don't think there are any Dominicans around here. I might be wrong, but probably not.

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