Saturday, May 4, 2013

There’s a Noob around Here


No, I’m not talking about a baby. That would put me in a real dickpickle.

I’m talking about a kitten.



Okay, so I know the picture’s a little fuzzy – he’s hard to photograph because he moves around so much. It’s fitting that I caught him with his mouth open cause he sure is a talker. He stands at my feet all day, talking and talking and talking and talking. I’m not sure what he wants cause he doesn’t speak English. Occasionally I show him the food, because he can’t seem to remember where it is, and has to keep coming back and asking me to help him find it. Either that, or he’s hoping that he’ll nag me into giving him something better, although what could be better than Purina Kitten Chow I haven’t a clue.

Better than caviar, this.

Sometimes I cuddle him, but he usually smells inexplicably of fish or some other foul thing. (I haven’t quite figured this out yet, either, since I don’t let him outside and I don’t leave fish or other foul things lying around the house. He’s a cat of mystery, right enough.) Other times, I throw a wad of paper, which he’ll chase for exactly 30 seconds before coming back and howling for my attention again. Mostly, I just crank up the tunes to drown out the sound of his grating little voice.

In case you’re wondering, yes, I do still have Shoe, who I call Fatty for short. I brought home the kitten to give Fatty a playmate so he wouldn’t nag me for attention all day while I’m trying to work. That plan backfired horribly.

Fatty likes the kitten, who I’ve been calling Max, although I might change his name to Spot on account of the white spot on his chest and also because I’m a Star Trek fan. Normally Max and Fatty play together all day, but Fatty’s been under the weather lately so Max has been bored. We’re not sure what’s wrong with Fatty, but the vet thinks it might be asthma. That’d be just my luck, having an asthmatic cat. I have no idea how I'd get him to use the inhaler.

Anyway, I know if there’s one thing the Internet loves, it’s cats, so I figured I’d take the excuse to post some gratuitous cat pics and triple my readership.

This is what I wake up to in the morning.

Please disregard the big heap of dirty laundry in the background.

One of these cats is more affectionate than the other.

You're welcome.

UPDATE: It turned out Fatty had pneumonia, probably. Anyway, I had to trick the little fatass into eating medicine, because he will eat literally anything, including nickels, hair pins, and broken shards of pottery, but he will not eat medicine, naturally. So, he's starting to feel better now. 

8 comments:

  1. Aww, very cute! I'm sure it'll quadruple your readers. Cute cat pictures are like crack to blog readers. Hell, if you'd put a baby in there too you could probably hit ten thousand subscribers by the end of the week!

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    1. So THAT'S how everyone's getting so popular. I'll see if anyone has a baby I can borrow...

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  2. I really don't get with all the technology in the world, WHY has no one invented a pet translator yet??? The mind boggles.

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    1. You'd have to speak pet, wouldn't you? You can usually figure out what they want from their body language.

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  3. Awww, so cute. I'd like to trade in my crabby old fat calico for a tiny adorable kitten. (My husband says I can't get any more pets until one of our 3 kicks it, hence the trade-in)

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    1. Awww, but you'll need that kitten adorableness to fill the hole in your heart after your crabby old fat calico goes to the big cat tower in the sky.

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  4. I want some kitties!! I turned 30 and inexplicably became allergic to cats and dogs. I had a cat and I still have 2 dogs. Fuck it. (my cat was old and she died (sad). I didn't want you to think that I'd get rid of an animal just because of some stupid medical condition. Nope.) Now I might have to go rescue a new cat and just make sure I carry an Epi pen at all times. I can do that. Here kitty, kitty. I probably should go to sleep now.

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    1. If you need an Epi pen you probably don't need a cat. That is sad. Although I've known allergies to improve in some cases, so there's that.

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