Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Why Do We Effin’ Cuss?





As I’m sure you’re aware, the whole point of the ABCs of Swearing Blog Challenge is to swear in our blog posts. After having read some of the other challengers’ posts, I’m beginning to think I’m dropping the fucking ball here since some of these bloggers are swearing a lot more than me, and it was my foul mouth that got the whole fucking thing started in the first fucking place. You’re no doubt aware that the inspiration for this whole shebang came from my being nagged about my use of language when I participated in the A to Z Challenge this year. To make matters worse (for them at least), I didn’t back down apologetically, but instead blogged about what fartmunchers I think they are. The fact that I have been coming in last in my own fucking swearing contest further underscores that only a halfwitted fuckstick would find my language offensive in the first place.

This post doesn't count, because I'm obviously making a fucking effort now, aren't I?

The reason I’m bringing all of this back up is that I was tweeting on Twitter last night with my tweep Andi-Roo, and she let me know that my encounter with Mr. Bird has inspired him to write a three-part (three part!) blog post about profanity and how if you use it, there is obviously something wrong with you. I’m not going to link back because fuck that, but it got me thinking about dirty words and why we fuckin’ use them. Of course, there's always some fuckbutt who wants to tell me that I have a dirty mouth on account of being raised poorly by a crackwhore mother in a broken home on the wrong side of the tracks. I say, who doesn’t come from a broken home these days? But seriously, as I’ve said in a previous post, I don’t know why these fuckwits always try to drag my mother into it. The uptight fuckwads don’t know me and they certainly don’t know my mother, which is just as well for them because my mother is not to be fucked with.

Now, if you haven’t yet clutched your pearls and run off shrieking to hide behind your male guardian, you probably agree with me that a proclivity for profanity is not a sign of bad breeding, poor education, a sad need for attention, or any of those other outdated stereotypes that most of us stopped believing sometime last century. You know I researched this matter, because only a fuckbag would spew out their own half-baked opinions and call them facts. The research shows that pretty much everyone swears – and even those who don’t choose to swear know how to. People begin learning to swear at about two years of age; the average person develops a vulgar vocabulary of up to 40 words by school age, and has adult swearing capacity by age 11. But you knew that, because you remember being 11, right?

When polled, young people said that they learned to swear from their families and friends, not from TV or blogs. So, the next time some fuckbrain claims he never swears because he’s better than that, rest assured that he is fucking lying, and definitely fucking swears even if only fucking mentally. Also, I think it’s safe to say that we’re not protecting any children by censoring the use of language in the blogosphere or anywhere else.

But that’s okay! Because the research also shows that swearing mostly does no harm, and is almost always used as a means of communication, bonding, or stress management. Swearing allows us to express strong emotions, like frustration or anger, which would otherwise be difficult to express. In addition to helping us express negative feelings, it also helps us express strong positive emotions, like enthusiasm. It’s been scientifically proven to be an important vehicle for humor, storytelling, or social commentary. Last, but by no means least, vulgar terms help us talk about sex.

And of course, there’s that study published a few years ago that suggests that swearing when we hurt ourselves may relieve the pain. Swearing activates the centers of the brain linked to the flight-or-fight response, which may explain why shouting “Oh fiddlesticks!” does not feel quite the same as shouting “Shit goddamit motherfucker!” when one stubs one’s toe. The words we use to swear are centuries old, and aren’t easily supplanted by modern slang words, which is why there are so many variations of “fuck” in this blog post – because, aside from unpleasant words for queers which I won’t use, different forms of “fuck” are basically your only fuckin’ option. 



30 comments:

  1. So informative! I don't feel as guilty for cussing in front of a child after someone stepped down hard on my foot on the bus this morning.

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    1. Absolutely not. That kid probably already knew all the words anyway.

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  2. What the fuck, I can't believe he wrote a 3 part post about that. Wow. He needs somebody to remove the stick... no, more like tree from his ass. haha He couldn't handle my office, we swear daily.

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    1. I'm beginning to think he has nothing better to do with his life. Either that, or I really bothered him. Possibly both.

      I was reading some thing about how swearing at work makes you more productive. Are you more productive?

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  3. Once again, the interesting thing to me is that I didn't read anything that screamed adult content there with what you wrote...just potty mouth (shrug) A three parter?!?!?!

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    1. Yep, a three parter! He doesn't mention me by name, so maybe it's possible he's making indirect references to a conflict with another blogger? LOL! I thought about outing myself in the comments and presenting my side of the story, but decided it probably wasn't worth the effort.

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  5. You're damn fucking right swearing makes you feel better! I rarely do it, but when I do it's usually because I am riled up about something. As for using "vulgar words to talk about sex" - ugh! Everything that is wrong with the world (ok, maybe that's a slight exaggeration) is due to the fact that society deems sex vulgar. I mean what the fuck?!

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    1. I think that might be a slight exaggeration. There was also something about how people with "sexual anxiety" are more likely to be uncomfortable with swearing.

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  6. Such an educational post. I think I would spontaneously combust from stress if I didn't occasionally (hourly) scream at some uncooperative inanimate object to fuck itself all the way to hell you piece of shit fuckbasket.

    A three parter? Un-fucking-believeable.

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    1. "Fuckbasket!" I bet they use those in Thailand, right? What a fucking great contribution!

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  7. Haha! Doesn't he realize that if he writes about swearing, the swearrorists win?

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  8. Well, goddamn. Now I feel like a complete douche-wagon for getting you all riled-the-fuck up. I can be such a flame-spreading asshole that way.

    PS - The clutching of pearls bit was classic. I had to call my male guardian in to read that shit because I about pissed my pants laughing!

    PPS - Remind me to NEVER get into a cussing contest with you, cuz baby, you rock the fuck out of the F-bomb like no bitch I ever knew. And I love you for it! :)

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    1. Shame on you! I hope your male guardian was able to save you from yourself! LOL! ;)

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  9. It's about fucking time! There is the fucking bitch we all know and fucking love!

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    1. Fuck to the fuckity fuckin' fuckbasket!

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  10. I just check out that post and left my 2 cents...with NO swearing, thankyouverymuch! Andi's comment over there nailed the issue and I could not have said it better. What I found interesting is there seemed to be 3 groups of commenters...people like me, people who were sort of middle of the fence and the religious right, who quoted bible verses and condemned those of use who swear to an eternity of burning in hell. Ok, not really, but I found the most offensive comments were from the people who were screaming the loudest in their outrage over language and using god and the bible to make their argument. Ironic and hypocritical, IMO

    Your swearing is transcendent...keep up the good fucking work!!

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    1. Transcendent! What a fucking great descriptor! Thank you! And thanks for sticking up for me in that comments section. I haven't checked back since before I started writing this post, but from what I hear they're getting pretty worked up over there.

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  11. My mother always said that she started swearing when she had kids. When she was old she swore like a truck driver. Her favorite was, "Son of a bitch, son of a bitch, son of a bitch!" God bless her soul. God I miss that woman. Plus, she was VERY religious. Imagine that.

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    1. Well there's nothing in the Bible about swearing, as long as you don't take the Lord's name in vain, but in the grand scheme of things, I'm pretty sure that's not the worst thing you can do either. Old ladies who swear like truckers are DA BOMB.

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  12. Anyone who feels you offend God with any of these words has no idea of God they only know what they have been told in their nasty fucking religions, God loves everything and doesn't judge our actions, that's man territory, he trusts us to eventually make the right choices and till we manage to evolve enough to see the error of all judgements we will continue to be very separate from each other in our thinking. There is no good or bad as we think, only lessons to learn from experience, religion makes things good or bad, not God, and their followers, that's where they have learn to hate. They offend the fucking hell out of me with their fake righteousness and indignation but I don't matter I suppose only their view is valid, they are good, I swear therefore I am bad! I hope they feel superior because the image they present makes me want to swear like a fucking trooper.
    You must always stand up for what you feel is right.

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    1. Yeah, they're definitely only making things worse. Thanks for your support!

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  13. I do remember being 11. And being 12. 12 was when I asked my older sister to explain to me exactly what all the common swear words meant 'cos I was a very serious kid and I didn't want to use words without knowing what they meant in case I made a fool of myself.

    I do have to admit though that I think swearing all the time does take away from it somehow. I want to draw an analogy with the boy who cried wolf but I'm not sure it really works. It's more like the way breaking or bending the rules is most effective when most of the time you stick to the rules, or at least you take the time to learn the rules.

    Also loving swearrorist - brilliant!

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    1. I was a serious kid, too, but my mother swore all the time so I'd learned what the words meant in context. ;)

      Glad to know I wasn't the only serious kid. I am a less than serious adult, if you haven't noticed.

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  14. So, out of curiosity, I looked for Arlee's post. It led me to another post about writing profanity. He said he didn't like to use profanity because he found it distracting and should we risk losing potential readers. That is always a bullshit line to me. If I was afraid of losing potential readers my stories would be the most cookie-cutter, unrealistic crap. He says there are other way to convey realism. Really, because when I drop a carton of eggs while carrying groceries in (this happened today) I don't say "shoot" or gosh darn it" I say "fuck!" in a really loud voice. And I was raised i a house that was pretty strict about swearing. So, yeah we all swear and to pretend we don't is just asinine.

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    1. Well of course the glaring point he misses is that the readers who get offended by language aren't the readers I'm looking for. I happen to agree, nobody says "Shoot" when there's no one around to hear them.

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  15. I think swearing is intended to emphasise a point - extremes of emotion, happiness, anger, fear, stress, which is pretty much what you said. My objection to swearing is mostly that when used indiscriminately it ceases to be a valuable tool for any of those things because when people swear every second word we become desensitised to the language and don't take it to mean anger, fear, stress, etc. anymore. As a lawyer I can't help comparing it to trademarks - Hoover doesn't want people running around calling vacuums a 'Hoover' and 'hoovering' floors because eventually hoover becomes synonomous with vacuum and ceases to have value as a trademark - in fact legally it can't even be protected anymore. It loses it's intended value. Same issue as prolific swearing, different context.

    Understand that in making this comment I'm not criticising your use of language - I obviously choose to come to this blog, and be your friend, no matter what words you use. I'm just offering my perspective on the matter. I generally choose not to swear (although yes, obviously, I DO know how) - and if I DO swear, then everyone who knows me knows the situation must be pretty bad!

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    1. Obviously, I don't normally swear THIS MUCH. Out of curiosity, are you desensitized now?

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