Thursday, June 27, 2013

What the DOMA Ruling Means to Me

The year is 1997. The place is Buckhannon, West Virginia. The person is me. I've come out as bisexual.

SPOILER: It does not go well.

This is the part where I get tongue-tied, where I don't know how to proceed. Where my mind screams, I'M FUNNY, I HAVE TO BE FUNNY. This is the part where I don't mention the boys who lined up along the hallway to spit on me as I walked to class. I don't mention anything about the person who shot out my porchlight one light. I don't talk about the people who threw bottles and bricks at me as I walked down the street. I don't mention my mother telling me not to talk about it, that I should keep it secret, that if I were to live with a woman one day, I should tell people she's my sister.

Like all of my gay friends, I hit refresh refresh refresh as I waited for the DOMA ruling to come out. Unlike my gay friends, I had to write a story on it. It was the hardest story I ever wrote, because I'd put my fingers on the keys, and I'd burst into tears. I'd pull myself together, and I'd put my fingers on the keys, and I'd burst into tears again.

Bisexual is not the same as gay, it's true. Bisexual is half straight, isn't it. I could pretend not to like women. I could make the choice to live my life halfway.

But now I can be my whole self. I can fall in love with whoever I want.

That's what the DOMA ruling means to me.



20 comments:

  1. Aw. Great post. Even though it wasn't funny. Sometimes, life isn't. If I were a hugger I'd totally come down there and hug you.

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    1. Thanks. I can feel your anti-hug from here.

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  2. I cannot imagine, MM. Nobody, I mean Nobody should be treated like that. I do think it was so important to share it and I know I appreciate your words, your courage, and your vulnerability. Well done, proud to know you. For the record, I'd hug you too, I can't let Majaski steal all the hugs...I've forced hugs on her before:)

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  3. Most people don't understand that being bisexual still doesn't mean you can choose whom you love.
    It's like choosing not to like chocolate, or sunshine, or a shower after a long day ..
    It just isn't a damn choice! People fall in love, not decide to walk into love.
    DOMA? Good riddance.

    ~PolishSpring

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    1. Life would be so much easier if we could decide who to love.

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  4. I was so glad when I heard! I just hope my country starts to move in that direction too.

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  5. Bam! You rocked that and almost made me cry. We've had legal gay marriage in Canada for a while now, but the issue was just re-opened last year (I think). I try not to follow that shit too much because it just pisses me off! I was thrilled to hear that the US has finally stepped out of the dark ages on at least one major issue! I believe in karma and those puke fucks that treated you like a sub-human likely already have or will get what is coming to them.

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    1. Living well really is the best revenge.

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  6. Marjorie, I had no idea you were bi. Nor should I have known that. Nor should it matter -- to me, or to anyone else. But thinking of someone I "know" enduring hurtful shit like that... well... I'm sitting her shaking and crying reading your post. Because it's one thing to be aware and unhappy that it happened / is happening to people in general. It's entirely different when it's brought home by someone you talk to regularly. I'm sorry. I'm sorry you were forced to endure cruelty of such a harsh nature. I'm sorry you were ever made to feel like half a person. I'm sorry our country's politics is such that your sexual preference is up for discussion. I mean, no one discusses *MY* sexual preference. I don't get treated shitty for solely wanting the D. No one asked me, and my opinion likely doesn't matter to many, but here's what DOMA's death means to me: People can be free to choose their lovers. I'm free to choose mine; why shouldn't that choice be extended to everyone? OMG, I'm just ranting here because I can't write and cry at the same time. Just... I love you, gurl. Thank you for sharing this.

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  7. You go girl! Love the one you're with!

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  8. You're so brave to have come out so universally so early. I never was and have never actually uttered the words "I'm bi/queer" to my parents. But I know they've read my blog post about it back in April... I really, really, really hope that all these changes to the laws will have a trickle down effect and my daughters will truly feel free to be who they are loud and proud whatever that happens to be.

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    1. I don't know if it was brave or stupid...

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    2. Brave. I only say in passing (and on occasion) that I'm bi-sexual. I've had this blog half written for months now, more of a humor piece, but it "outs" me and I write about girls I'm attracted to . . . You've inspired me to finish it, and not just publish on my blog, but submit somewhere pretty big . . .So yeah, brave, for all of us.

      -The Insomniacs Dream

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  9. Its sad that it took so long. Its sad that govt needed to get involved and its sad that your 97' is the reality for most gay bi transgender or undecided.
    However its awesome that DOMA is finally here. I wholeheartedly support love and hope my daughter will feel the same way. Congrats to your future love life.
    (Sorry comma's aren't showing)

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